i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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