Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
