The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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