I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize