You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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