Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
