Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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