I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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