Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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