this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
