You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
