is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
