is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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