hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
