??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
