Kiss
Puke
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
