he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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