You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
