I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
