My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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