I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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