i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
