eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
