My first STD was from a foam party
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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