i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
