the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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