I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
