have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
