I cut my penus on the lid.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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