Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
