highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
