I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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