Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
