She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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