some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
