Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
