I need help removing her.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
