Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
