Texts From Last Night

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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now

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  (985): for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now http://tfl.nu/fzln
  Replies (59) Good night (953) Bad night (4767)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4407) Bad night (1464)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her

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  (318): I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her http://tfl.nu/587c
  Replies (5) Good night (750) Bad night (4439)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering

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  (713): PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering http://tfl.nu/lhmy
  Replies (39) Good night (809) Bad night (3507)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.

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  (203): he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/tskr
  Replies (44) Good night (8446) Bad night (1290)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

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  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (3152) Bad night (5151)
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  (585): View more from New York

  If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays

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  (585): If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays http://tfl.nu/yd37
  Replies (10) Good night (3991) Bad night (1181)
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  (951): View more from California

  I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

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  (951): I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved http://tfl.nu/ox8t
  Replies (7) Good night (1153) Bad night (2503)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.

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  (541): I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work. http://tfl.nu/fnwr
  Replies (4) Good night (1719) Bad night (1153)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

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  (215): You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you. http://tfl.nu/sg3o
  Replies (7) Good night (1206) Bad night (669)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM

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  (610): I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM http://tfl.nu/hx9z
  Replies (23) Good night (1441) Bad night (510)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...

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  (905): The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that... http://tfl.nu/6jhl
  Replies (3) Good night (906) Bad night (360)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk

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  (253): Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk http://tfl.nu/8gkz
  Replies (2) Good night (392) Bad night (601)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?

  (1306): View more from

  HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!

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  (306): just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you? (1306): HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?! http://tfl.nu/7mrm
  Replies (3) Good night (853) Bad night (328)
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  (451): View more from

  Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'

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  (451): Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole' http://tfl.nu/cajz
  Replies (1) Good night (296) Bad night (474)

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