I puked a lego.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
smell my finger.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
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just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner