Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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