and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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