My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
