Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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