They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
