Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
