if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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