she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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