I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just invented taco cereal.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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