Whod you bang
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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