ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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