I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
