thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
