Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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