is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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