North Korea, Best Korea!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
