...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
