I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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