I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
