I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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