forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
