he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
