Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
