OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
