Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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