omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
