If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
