i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
