Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
