if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
