he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
