too bad you live with your parents still
zippers are such a cool invention
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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